May your lipstick be the reddest and your eyeliner be symmetrical.
(Source: my-skinny-state-of-mind, via kukokeli)
"Hawaii once had a rat problem. Then, somebody hit upon a brilliant solution. Import mongooses from India. Mongooses would kill the rats. It worked. Mongooses did kill the rats. Mongooses also killed chickens, young pigs, birds, cats, dogs, and small children. There have been reports of mongooses attacking motorbikes, power lawn mowers, golf carts, and James Michener. In Hawaii now, there are as many mongooses as there once were rats. Hawaii had traded its rat problem for a mongoose problem. Hawaii was determined nothing like that would ever happen again…Society had a crime problem. It hired cops to attack crime. Now society has a cop problem."
Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker (1980)
(Source: falala-dispute, via kukokeli)
money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a false sense of security and fruity alcoholic beverages to numb the pain and honestly what’s the difference
honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying
Sam is like 30000% done with their messages.
(Source: mysweetcherrycas, via deair)
ATTENTION SARCASM USERS
we’re being faced with a serious issue.
there is only 1 sarcasm left
now we’ve got to use it wisely. please, for the love of god, think before you speak. it’s gotta be good.
yeah, okay, i’ll be sure to do that